Now let me first explain this: it’s true that I never really liked Snow White. It wasn’t that I wanted her dead or anything, but I just really preferred it when she wasn’t here.  I suppose now you know exactly who I am, yes that’s right, I’m “Grumpy.” Yes, that really is the name that you will all know me as. I’m the one which books and films seem to love to present as the bitch of the household, well up to the point at-least where I actually warn your precious princess about the Queen. Then I’m fine. No-one ever seems to understand why I didn’t really like her at the start, but I suppose that’s because you’re all just distracted by her beautiful face and voice. The truth is that you don’t really know her at all.

Shall we go back to the first day that she danced into our little home? I mean, it’s a while back now, but the beginning is always a good place to start. I suppose my dislike for her started from the very first day that I met her, and I hope that by the end of this you’ll understand why.


It had been a Tuesday when she first arrived at the tiny door to our cottage. We had all been at work all day, and if I’m honest I was not only grumpy, but also a little bit sleepy at the same time. It was about 6pm when she first knocked, and everybody else had already fallen asleep, so I had to open the door. As I walked slowly across the room she knocked again. At that moment I was already pretty annoyed- I mean, anybody who knew us dwarves would never call after work – it was just so inconsiderate, so why only wait a couple of seconds before knocking again – that’s just plain impatience. I opened the door, and saw this girl just standing there. I mean, yes she was pretty, but I didn’t know her – What was she even doing here? I looked at her expectantly for a reason for her knocking, but instead of introducing herself she just walked straight past me and into our front room! I mean, they say that I’m rude, but I wouldn’t ever dream of just walking into a stranger’s house without introducing myself. Then she just started singing. I mean, the others are just lying around the room sleeping and she decides that she’s just going to walk straight into our house and sing? What is that about?

As you can imagine everybody woke up instantly, and in their sleepiness they just sat there watching this girl – I mean, if I had just woken up I think I wouldn’t have realised that this was actually really happening. I mean, she is very pretty, and the whole thing did seem very dreamlike. Actually, I can imagine that Doc still dreams about her now, but anyway, that’s not important. She woke everyone else up, and then instantly everybody flocks around her asking all these questions. I mean, talk about the centre of attention. Doc stood up and insisted she took his chair, so she sat down gently and answered all of their questions.

“My name’s Snow White,” she answered quietly with a look that said that she knew exactly how charming she was. All the guys were just staring at her – their tongues might as well have just been trailing out of their mouths – it was just so obvious that they were all so enchanted with her display of beauty and innocence.

I didn’t buy it for a second, and it angered me to see the others just lapping it up! We knew nothing about this girl, and she just sat there with a smug smile which said “well of course I am the most beautiful of them all.” I mean, at the time I hadn’t realised that she had overheard a bewitched mirror say that that was the truth, but still, that was exactly what her smile said. Every move she made seemed to be a theatrical display of perfection, and yet nobody but me seemed to have an issue. WHO EVEN WAS THIS GIRL?

This carried on for about an hour or so before she suddenly just jumped up out of her seat and walked into the kitchen. Again nobody seemed to have an issue. We all followed her to see what she was doing, and were quite surprised to find her cleaning up our kitchen. I mean, it needed a clean but who was she to be the one tidying up our kitchen?

Again, can I just state that this girl had 1. Appeared at our door uninvited, 2. Walked straight into the house without even speaking to me, 3. Woken everybody else up and then 4. Just sat around like a thing to be admired.  For me these four things would have been enough to throw her straight out of the door again, but the others seemed to disagree. When she started scrubbing the dishes though I had to make the others understand: this Snow White was not normal. I looked around at them with a look in my eye which said that she should leave, but they all just stared back at me with indignant eyes which told me that they thought I was just being my usual grumpy self. That’s the issue with being stereotyped as being the grumpy one, nobody actually seems to realise that your issues with a person could be genuine, but anyway, back to Snow White and the dishes.

For a couple of moments it was just us and her, but then she opened up the windows and started singing again, and to my bemusement she invited about fourteen of the neighbouring birds into our house to help her with the dishes! She didn’t even ask us! We had always had a rule about guests after seven, but the other dwarves did not seem to care now that it was her inviting them in. It all just seemed wrong to me. This was our house, and she was just treating it like it was her own. That just didn’t work for me.

“Look here missy,” I started to say, but again the others all just looked at me like I was being the rude one. Did none of them see how absurd this whole situation was? Anyway, I couldn’t stand there just gawping at her anymore, so I said goodnight to the others and left, slamming the kitchen door behind me.

As I did so I heard her mock-innocence pipe up again: “Is he okay?” It was that kind of sugary, too-sweet manner which I hated, but that the others seemed to just lap up. It dripped with a sense of insincere caring, and I knew then that she was practically just asking them to moan about me.

“Of course he is,” they all chanted back. “He just likes to be grumpy. Grumpy by name, grumpy by nature.”

I didn’t know what hurt most, the fact that none of them could see the theatrical innocence which she played so well, or the fact that they had just called me by the very character name which we all knew that I hated. I mean, it’s obvious that my real name isn’t Grumpy, and we’ve all spoken time and time again about how much our nicknames hurt us, so it hurt maybe three-times as much that they had actually used it.

From that day on I vowed that I would always dislike Snow White, and I think you can now understand why.

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