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Day 3 – Thank-You Note

“A thank-you note for a weekend visit where everything went wrong.”

Dear Sally,

Thank you so very much for inviting us to stay for Fiona’s birthday. It was absolutely lovely to see you again after such a long time. I can’t believe how she’s grown – it won’t be long at all until Geoff is walking her down the aisle!

On the subject of Geoff, I am ever so sorry to be witness to his infidelity. How barbaric! He’s a grown man and should know better! To reveal yourself so publicly at your own daughter’s birthday – it’s simply unheard of! He should be ashamed. That tart he was parading around with afterwards as well, my guess is she’ll be out of there as soon as she realises that the money is your families, and not his. A 26 year old hairdresser? Does he have to be such a god damned stereotype! I do hope that you have managed to book Fiona in with Macey – it will take her years to scrub those vile images from her mind! Let’s just hope that the photographers had the decency to angle their lenses away from the peepshow that became of your bedroom window!

On a slightly happier subject, I am so happy to hear that you have been able to claim insurance upon the house, and even happier so that nobody was hurt in the fire! I was ever so surprised when I heard that you had invited Cynthia’s child! I could have sworn that you had heard of the recent accounts of arson which that girl and her brothers have recently been involved in!

No worries there though, at least now you can put the money towards fixing that leak in the fourth guest bedroom – it was ever so damp and forlorn in that room. I’m almost certain that that was what caused Mrs. M to finally succumb to the bad health which she has recently been suffering from. God bless her soul. Will you be attending the Memorium next Tuesday? If so, do not worry, nobody is saying that it was your fault.

On another note, as I said before we left, please do not worry about that whole gorilla on a tricycle thing. There was absolutely no way that you could have ever known that he would take even the slightest dislike to poor Brian, let alone that he would try to strangulate him. Good heavens, if it had even crossed my mind that the man would cause so much havoc I would have left him at home! The doctors have given him an all clear, and yet he’s still lying around feeling oh so sorry for himself – it’s as if he doesn’t even care that he’s the reason we had to cut the party short. Some people just have to be the centre of attention!

Anyway, I look forward to seeing you and Fiona soon, maybe don’t leave it so long next time! I hope that the gifts are at least of some consolation for her, thank goodness that they were in the garden and not in the house itself! At least she is left with the presents that the Brockwurst twins didn’t steal!

Thoughts be with you, my dearest Sally,

Bertha.

p.s. Just an after thought, but next time perhaps chose an alternative caterer. I myself was not perturbed at the slightest, but Guendaline is very much complaining of a rotten stomach. I guess you can’t please them all.

 

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NOTES

As you may have guessed I decided to go all out with this. I really enjoyed writing it, and I hope that you enjoyed reading it as well!

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